Well, it's finally here. What everyone has been waiting for: Baconnaise™. For years, obese Americans have been craving a way to combine two of their biggest loves, bacon and mayonnaise. We have just one question. Why did this take so long for someone to invent this wonderful product? Some may claim that it's a heart attack in a bottle, but just wait! In a one tablespoon serving, Baconnaise™ only has 80 calories! With such a small amount, we recommend even putting Baconnaise™ on bacon to make a double bacon power punch snack.What, might you ask, do I do at restaurants that don't feature Baconnaise™? Quite frankly, they are not worth eating at. And if you must go there, remember, Baconnaise™ comes in a very portable 15 ounce jar! When you arrive at the restaurant on your scooter, wearing your three wolf moon t-shirt, instantly Fauntleroy the Maitre'd will know you are a connoisseur of fine food and high society. This is the food accessory that everyone must have*.
*Side effects of Baconnaise™** include dry mouth, constipation, uncontrollable drooling, spontaneous Foreign Accent Syndrome, whiplash, and loss of appetite.
**Please consult a doctor before starting a regimen of Baconnaise™ and notify your ER staff when starting Baconnaise™.
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