Too Fat to Fly? Yes, Fatty Deluxe, Yes.

Many fliers have had this same experience.  You arrive at your seat only to find that half of it is taken over by a person who is best described as "rotund."  What can you do?  You paid for a whole seat and only get half and the other half is taken up by mounds of Crisco.  Well, the debate over what to do with fat fliers has been mainly focused on the rights of the tubbo in question and there are two sides to this story.  Yes, it does suck that a person is too big to be in one seat, but the person in the seat next to them is equally, if not more, inconvenienced by the offending bulge.
Admitted fat guy and flier, Kevin Smith (who also is a director of funny films like Clerks and Mallrats and un-funny films like Jersey Girl), was recently kicked off a Southwest flight for being too fat.  This case highlights some of the complexities of this issue.  Smith claimed he could get the armrests of the seat down which means that he could fit in the seat.  This is an acceptable method of determining who is too big to fly and who can get their tons of fun on the plane.  If you can get the armrests down, you don't impede on the other passengers.  This is actually a serious issue.  Overloading an airplane can mean difficulties in take-off and landing and seriously hamper fuel efficiency.  As American waistlines have expanded, airlines have noticed that they use significantly more fuel.  So, how to know if you're too fat to fly?  Here is a simple list that will let you know:

1. You have been featured on a newscast, but they only showed you below the neck.
2. Your choice of fashion is consistently in the "muumuu" category.
3. You use one of those Jazzy scooters at Walmart and you are not handicapped.
4. You regard a flight of stairs as "daunting."
5. You have had multiple diabetes scares.

If you fit one or more of these above, you need to purchase two (or more) adjacent seats on an airplane and probably warn the pilot to really put the pedal to the metal on take-off because you Shamu, are a fat ass.