One Quarter of the Afghan Vote Was Cast by Pack of Wild Monkeys; Situation Dire

Well, Afghanistan, you've got a mess on your hands.  A lot of mess.  A quarter of your votes could be tainted!  That's Chicago bad.  The good/bad news is that this isn't the worst of your problems.  The top general in Afghanistan, General Stanley McChrystal, has essentially stated that the situation is dire in the remote nation. 

Imma Let You Finish Afghanistan, but Iran Had the Craziest Election of All Time

In what we can only imagine as a scene out of Michael Jackson's Bad, clashing rallies erupted in Iran.  Today, in Iran, is Quds Day which is a major day for the Iranian regime (not unlike ten cent wing day).  It is an occasion for people to show their support for the Palestinians and opposition to Israel.  This rally by the opposition is the first major one since July and there have been reports that former president Mohamad Khatami was attacked by the paramilitary group the Basij. 

Graveyard of Empires: Well, Crap...

In a recent speech to foreign policy experts, former U.S. national security advisor Zbigniew Brzezinski, warned that if the U.S. does not halt the Taliban insurgency, things in Afghanistan will quickly go pear shaped.  Well, shit.  While a laudable goal of installing credible institutions and making a real, functioning country, is one that is likely worth pursuing, it will be a difficult road.  For instance, it only took 300 special forces troops to bring down the Taliban in 2001.  That just goes to show that the government there had tenuous control at best and the amount of man power needed to eliminate an insurgency will be very high.

Iran, Tired of N. Korea Being in the News, Goes Apeshit

With the controversial results of Iran's recent presidential elections, Iran has once again recaptured the headlines.  Protests have broken out after Mahmoud Ahmadinejad claimed to have won a landslide victory.  However, this is truly a blatant attempt to steal back the headlines after North Korea appears to be setting up its next dictator by giving him his own title roughly translated as, "Cuddly Aardvark." 

One protester was overheard saying, "they think they can push us off the front page of the New York Times?"  He then proceeded to throw spoiled cabbage at riot cops.  The outrage over the recent nuclear test and rocket launches boiled over this weekend.  "We are tired of being though to have 'potential'!" screamed one mad protester as she hurled a tomato at a smoldering pit where a Lexus used to stand.  After this fruity display of rage toward the international press community, she attempted to explain her position in further detail, but was pegged with a canister filled with what some are calling chemical weapons, but what we in the U.S. call Axe Body Spray.

In an attempt to calm down the restless populace, the supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khomenei ordered an investigation into the election results.  There is some speculation that a quick end to the conflict will relegate Iran's political maneuverings to page A6 or even A7.

However, at the core of the issue is the fact that the election appears to many to have been rigged.  When asked for comment, expert in being defeated in rigged elections, Al Gore, was unavailable, but over the phone we could hear quiet sobbing in the background.