Dear Newt Gingrich: We Quit Too, Sincerely Your Hopes for Being President

Newt Gingrich was a dead candidate walking weeks ago when most of his senior staff quit en masse.  Now his fundraising director and another top financial aide have departed as well.  The campaign is trying desparately to keep a positive face, but seeing as how Gingrich has little buzz and most of the headlines are surrounding Romney, T-Paw and now Jon Huntsman, the death blow may be looming when the campaign fundraising numbers are released at the end of the month.  Gingrich is a rotting zombified corpse which is now facing a really angry Bruce Campbell.

The Boomstick is the only thing paying attention to Newt.

Newt's campaign has stated that it will step up its efforts in Iowa and Newt will deliver a speech on inefficiencies in the EPA.  Real winner there Newt.  There are two big stories going on today, jobs and the economy.  Unless you plan on releasing dick pics, stick with those topics and how your grand vision will help get our country back on track.  Actually don't.  That appears to be a winning strategy and I don't think you can handle that.

Goodbye Nuclear Weapons, See You in Iran!

Yesterday, the United Nations Security Council, with President Obama as its chairman, voted to strengthen the restrictions on nuclear technology, making it more difficult to convert peaceful applications into weapons programs.  This, however, is still a matter of enforcement which has been a persistent problem for the United Nations in the past; its coffee and doughnut budget has been exceeded for every year of its existence.  Iran is at the heart of this matter, even though President Obama was very general in his comments during the meeting, but glared at Mahmoud Ahmadinejad because "he knows what he did." 

Iran Protests: What Do You Love About Your Police State?

While admitting (and then denying) election fraud has quickly become passé, crackdowns, beatdowns, and shutdowns are the new rage in Iran.  Today protests were stopped by masses of riot police and Ayatollah Ali Khamenei has stated that Iran will not yield to the pressures of the protests.  All this got us at Puggling wondering just what are the best things about living in a police state?

Kyrgyzstan to Allow Use of Air Base

In a reversal of its previous decision, Kyrgyzstan is going to allow the use of an air base to support the NATO mission in Afghanistan.  Previously, Kyrgyzstan had given the U.S. six months to get out, but many believe that this was just a move to increase the rent that the U.S. currently pays.  Annually, the U.S. pays about $17.4M in rent and another $150M in aid.  While the rent will be increased, this is likely to be a deal of "bases for vowels." 

Iran Election: They Admitted It!?!?!

In a flash of stupidity, the Iranian Guardian Council stated that more people voted than were eligible in at least 50 regions.  However they claim that the discrepancy is not enough to affect the outcome of the election, but admitting that there were shenanigans in the election will likely not placate the protesters.  Too many votes were cast?  Apparently the voting in Iran is run by this guy →.  The Iranian regime could at least have stuck to its story.  There are middle school cheating rings with greater message discipline. 

Iranian Protests: Twitter Now Used for Something Other than Talking About Your Cat

The spotty reports coming out of Iran are showing what appears to be a massive protest against the recent elections.  Many of these reports are coming through on social networking sites like Twitter or Facebook.  The Iranian regime is attempting to block access to these sites with very limited success.  There have been thousands of posts on Twitter of video and photos of the protests as well as the violence that has accompanied some of these.  The normal usage of Twitter, blabbing about your stupid cat, is being overshadowed as the amount of these posts grows. 

Much of the organization of these protests is being run through Twitter and today a massive rally was organized in Iran's capital, Tehran, by the opposition leader, Mir Hussein Moussavi.  If these protests continue to gather strength, this will force the regime into a corner and the reaction will likely not be pretty.  The real power in Iran does not rest within the president or with the prime minister, but with the supreme leader, the Ayatollah.  Think of him as one of the crazy cat people on Twitter.  He's getting madder and madder that his tweets aren't being heard over the din of the protesters.  Once he is threatened enough, he is likely to use force to quell this movement. 

Once it gets to the point of force, the situation can become very destabilizing to the entire country.  This will become a power struggle and the entire country could very easily delve into a civil war.  However, if these protests slowly peter out, it is likely not much will change in Iran, and this is how the regime would like this all to end.

Iran, Tired of N. Korea Being in the News, Goes Apeshit

With the controversial results of Iran's recent presidential elections, Iran has once again recaptured the headlines.  Protests have broken out after Mahmoud Ahmadinejad claimed to have won a landslide victory.  However, this is truly a blatant attempt to steal back the headlines after North Korea appears to be setting up its next dictator by giving him his own title roughly translated as, "Cuddly Aardvark." 

One protester was overheard saying, "they think they can push us off the front page of the New York Times?"  He then proceeded to throw spoiled cabbage at riot cops.  The outrage over the recent nuclear test and rocket launches boiled over this weekend.  "We are tired of being though to have 'potential'!" screamed one mad protester as she hurled a tomato at a smoldering pit where a Lexus used to stand.  After this fruity display of rage toward the international press community, she attempted to explain her position in further detail, but was pegged with a canister filled with what some are calling chemical weapons, but what we in the U.S. call Axe Body Spray.

In an attempt to calm down the restless populace, the supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khomenei ordered an investigation into the election results.  There is some speculation that a quick end to the conflict will relegate Iran's political maneuverings to page A6 or even A7.

However, at the core of the issue is the fact that the election appears to many to have been rigged.  When asked for comment, expert in being defeated in rigged elections, Al Gore, was unavailable, but over the phone we could hear quiet sobbing in the background.