The Fall of Western Civilization: Baconnaise™

Well, it's finally here.  What everyone has been waiting for:  Baconnaise™.  For years, obese Americans have been craving a way to combine two of their biggest loves, bacon and mayonnaise.  We have just one question.  Why did this take so long for someone to invent this wonderful product?  Some may claim that it's a heart attack in a bottle, but just wait!  In a one tablespoon serving, Baconnaise™ only has 80 calories!  With such a small amount, we recommend even putting Baconnaise™ on bacon to make a double bacon power punch snack.

What, might you ask, do I do at restaurants that don't feature Baconnaise™?  Quite frankly, they are not worth eating at.  And if you must go there, remember, Baconnaise™ comes in a very portable 15 ounce jar!  When you arrive at the restaurant on your scooter, wearing your three wolf moon t-shirt, instantly Fauntleroy the Maitre'd will know you are a connoisseur of fine food and high society.  This is the food accessory that everyone must have*.

*Side effects of Baconnaise™** include dry mouth, constipation, uncontrollable drooling, spontaneous Foreign Accent Syndrome, whiplash, and loss of appetite.
**Please consult a doctor before starting a regimen of Baconnaise™ and notify your ER staff when starting Baconnaise™.

Rice and Ray-Bans: North Korea Redux

 On May 25th, North Korea tested a nuclear bomb which was estimated to be the same destructive force as the bomb dropped on Hiroshima in World War II.  In addition to the nuclear test, North Korea tested short range missiles which can potentially be used to deliver a nuclear attack on South Korea or Japan and involve the U.S. in the battle.  The world must react with speed and solidarity in order to keep North Korea from embroiling the region, and even world, in conflict.

According to a report in The Economist, this nuclear test may be the result of internal changes in the influence of hardliners from the armed forces.  One of these hardliners, Kim Yong-chol, is advocating the end of cooperation and contact with South Korea and further isolating the North.  This increase of hardliner influence is coming with the blessing of Kim Jong-Il who may have suffered a stroke last year.  Due to the extreme difficulty in determining the internal politics of North Korea, much is speculation.

While on an international level, North Korea’s actions appear to be irrational, on a state or domestic level, this saber rattling has a very rational goal.  These tests are an attempt to increase the internal control of the communist regime in North Korea.  According to Wendy R. Sherman, who coordinated North Korea policy during the Clinton administration, “they care about external matters only insofar as it helps ensure the survival of the regime.”  These tests are likely designed to appeal to the nationalist sentiment of the North Korean people and the media there is heaping of praise on the tests and the government.  Maintaining their power is a huge motivator for the ruling class in North Korea.  They are keeping their country in effectively the 17th century while living a life of luxury.

Their struggle to maintain power causes actions that baffle the rest of the world community.  It provokes responses from the outside world that damage the economy and well being of the country as a whole.  In the game of international relations, it can be counted on to make the play that will ensure the survival of the regime, not what is best for the country as a whole.  Its population is living in abject poverty and incentives do not appear to have had any affect on how North Korea conducts its international business.

Since maintaining power is the motivator for North Korea, taking actions that will prolong, or threaten, the regime may be the only way to get compliance from North Korea.  According to a New York Times article, “North Korea is not likely to be receptive to incentives. And it may have concluded that having nuclear weapons is a necessity for its own preservation.”  Possessing nuclear weapons is the regime’s trump card in fending off potential threats to the regime.  Further economic sanctions may be the only peaceful step toward getting North Korea to comply and give up its weapons.  However, because of the importance they have placed on weapons, it is highly unlikely that they will give these up without a fight.  Yet, that does not mean that war cannot be avoided.

The key in the world response may lie in China.  Of the limited international trade with North Korea, much of it is with China or flows through China.  China is the closest thing to an ally that North Korea has.  The U.S. can use its relationship with China to garner support in these sanctions.  In the past, North Korea has ignored U.N. resolutions and the sanctions have not been strictly enforced, but with China’s cooperation, these can be effective.  Creating internal pressure via sanctions is the most effective, and safest, route to get the North Koreans to change.

Creating an economic situation where maintaining the regime in its current form is untenable is the only hope for North Korea to have a permanent change – similar to the situation in the Soviet Union.  By quickly implementing strong and solid sanctions and preventing the North Korean regime from acquiring more nuclear weapons material, North Korea could step down its threatening actions.  Eventually, with a build up in internal pressures, the North Korean regime can begin to change and open the society in a process that will take many years.

Cuteness Attack!

Have you thought about what it would be like if a cartoon mouse popped up in real life?  Did you wonder will it walk on two feet?  Will it have an oversized head?  Will it have a British accent?  Well, if so you can see that it will!  (Well, everything but the British accent.)

The End of Innocence... Plus 8

In a shocking revelation, Jon and Kate Plus Eight is staged!  We here at Puggling are seeing the walls of our reality crumbling down.  Food no longer tastes as good, life seems dreary.  We were there when the twins first spotted Elvis hanging out with Bigfoot.  We reveled when little Aiden ski jumped over that shark.  When Jon and Kate got arrested for not helping out a person in need, we were there supporting them.  To now find out that none of that was real, we are just devastated.

Why does actual reality have to be boring?  We believe that a T.V. show about how a family of ten lives would be great!  It would be an hour of watching the family do things that a family of ten does.  Here is a breakdown:

1. Parents trying to remember each child's name: 5 minutes.
2. Parents color coding each child's outfit to help them remember those names: 10 minutes.
   
3. Children not following the system of color coding: 7 minutes.
4. Parents freaking out because each child now is wearing an outfit of eight colors: 15 minutes.
   
5. Parents gently rocking back and forth in a padded cell: 23 minutes.

We feel this would be very accurate to reality!  Great television doesn't have to be scripted!  Please Jon and Kate Plus 8, go back to the reality we so crave.  Kick the crap out of those damn Duggars!
 

The Reign in Spain to Stay Mainly in Spain?

There is a push in Spain to limit the ability of its courts.  Currently, Spain has a law which allows its courts to investigate and prosecute human rights violations regardless of where the events took place or where the perpetrators reside.  This law has been used to prosecute former Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet (all around not a nice guy: see Operation Condor) and is currently being used to investigate the Bush administration's actions at Guantánamo Bay and Israeli actions during the recent war in Gaza. 

This law, however, is giving the Spanish government headaches though.  It is causing them to worry about relations with the U.S. as it is trying to forge a relationship with the Obama administration.  While this can cause tensions with the U.S., especially with issues of state sovereignty, ultimately the overall relationship with the U.S. is unlikely to change.  The U.S. (read Bush administration) might get a black eye, but any punishment will be avoided (as long as anyone convicted never goes to Spain).

Yet, Spain should not change this law.  Real outcomes happen when they begin investigations.  In the Pinchet case, Spain's actions caused Pinochet to be under house arrest in Britain and it also pushed Chile to start its own investigation.  Spain's moral position is influencing other nations to examine human rights abuses and while this may rub some states the wrong way, it does put Spain in a moral high ground.  Overall, these investigations and prosecutions benefit not only Spain, but also the rest of the world.

Amazon Product Reviews: Who knew they were so funny?

If you think that product reviews are boring, useless and un-funny, think again.  Those who have written these priceless pieces on the Three Wolf Moon Shirt, deserve to have their work published and distributed all over the world.  Here is one such post in its entirety.  We assure you that you will not be disappointed.

This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him.

I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.

Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.

 This is just a taste of the vast amount of excellent prose that is on this page.  We implore you to explore more over at Amazon.com.

Link Time!

Some more links for your enjoyment! Check them out.  Or not.  Be bold in your decision.

1. A list of the biggest explosions ever!
2. Want to see the Milky Way Galaxy?  Here is a time lapse video.
3. What does your credit card company know about you?
4. The Secret Advantage of Being Short.
5. Cameos from the Batman TV series.
   

Nancy Pelosi and CIA Briefings, the Non-Issue Issue

What is the issue with if or when Nancy Pelosi knew about CIA torture methods?  As far as the big picture, in the words of The Rock, it doesn't matter.  She wouldn't have been the only one who would have been briefed.  Both Republicans and Democrats would be affected since Ms. Pelosi wasn't the only person in Congress that day. 

But let us assume that the CIA gave Nancy Pelosi a full briefing in 2002 on exactly what the program entailed.  Should she be accountable for what happened?  Some punishment should probably befall her if she knew torture was going on.  But wait, this concedes the point that waterboarding and the CIA interrogations were torture.  Then Nancy Pelosi wouldn't be the only person in trouble.  This would be massive.  From the people actually conducting the interrogations/torture, to their superiors who ordered it to the lawyers who condoned it.  Everything and everyone who were connected to these interrogations.  Former V.P. Dick Cheney has even implicated that President Bush knew about everything that was going on and signed off on this program. 

So, really, is proclaiming that Nancy Pelosi knew about the torture a good strategy?  No.  It's like saying "yeah, I punched an old woman in the face, but Nancy Pelosi knew about it!"  It doesn't change the fact that you punched an old woman in the face. 

Delightfully Awkward

We here at Puggling have discovered perhaps the most delightfully awkward website ever.  It is called Awkwardfamilyphotos.com. People post horrendous family pics and everyone gets to enjoy them.  Our personal favorite is the one where one guy just doesn't fit in with the rest of his family.  You'll know it when you see it.

A Democratic End in Pakistan and Afghanistan?

We here at Puggling have been reading Fareed Zakaria's The Future of Freedom, and have been pondering Afghanistand and Pakistan at the same time and how these two are related.  Zakaria maintains in one section of the book that there is a strong correlation between per capita GDP and democratic institutions surviving.  There is a threshold of about $1,500 a year in order for democracy to have a chance and once the per capita GDP reaches $6,000 democracy becomes "immortal."  Naturally, these aren't the only things necessary for democracy.  Events happening in the country play a huge role as well, but without the economic means, democracy is at a huge disadvantage.

In Afghanistan the per capita GDP is $800 which is only half of what is necessary while Pakistan's is approximately $2,600.  This suggests that along with a counter-insurgency strategy in Afghanistan, the U.S. must focus on the economic development.  The security of the population is still extremely important and the change to focus more on an insurgency by appointing a new general in Afghanistan demonstrates this.  But what do you do before you get to the economic tipping point?  Democracy is not a viable option at this point (and the current government of Afghanistan could hardly qualify as a democracy).  Using authoritarian means to establish institutions and the rule of law is the right track.  Democracy relies on these to keep order and starting out a fledgeling democracy without these is asking for failure.  Once these have been established, along with the economic pillar, Afghanistan has a chance. 

Pakistan is a prime example of how the economic part of the equation is not enough.  While they have the economic potential, their institutions are lacking.  The only real institution in Pakistan is the military which does not help with rule of law or other governmental expectations and the Taliban insurgency is a symptom of this.  The frustration with the Pakistani government is allowing the Taliban to thrive.  Encouraging institutional development (along with stopping the Taliban) is the long term path forward in Pakistan.

Global Warming in Maldives, Time for Panic!

The small island nation of Maldives thinks it is screwed.  Its president has proposed that all 300,000 citizens just pack up and move.  He has proposed that they move to India or Australia.  It is a long archepelago of islands with an average height of four feet above sea level.  Basically, a strong wave can wipe out the nation.  They take global warming very seriously and are keeping a keen eye on the sea level.  So think about that the next time you drive down the street with the windows down and the AC on high.

Al Qaeda: Tenacious Bastards Aren't They?

In a report from the New York Times, the strife in Pakistan is helping Al Qaeda in its recruitment.  The conflict in Pakistan has raised the hopes that there will be a "jihadist takeover of the region," which attracts more recruits.  This recruitment effort is replacing the numbers lost due to the airstrikes in the area which so far this year number 16 in comparison to 36 total in 2008.

While U.S. intelligence sources suggest that a Taliban takeover of Pakistan is unlikely due to the strength of the Pakistani army, Al Qaeda is smelling blood in the water.  Al Qaeda has changed its tactics to a more localized focus.  They are being run by small, well-organized groups which are working to destabilize Pakistan and create a feeling of insecurity.  The fighting is in the Buner and Swat regions of Pakistan, which are close to the capitol of Islamabad.

The destabilizing effect of open conflict in the region is still a serious concern.  An unstable Pakistan is a scary thought.  They have a large army and nuclear weapons.  Their borders are porous and a haven for Al Qaeda and the Taliban.  Pakistan must be a top priority.  Pakistan is already bordering on being a failed state and a prolonged conflict near the capitol would push it over the edge.

Links: Randomness via Hypertext

Here are some links that we here at Puggling have decided are fun, interesting or just plain weird.  No, there aren't any LOLCats and you can keep your dirty paws of my cheeseburger.  However, we do not guarantee that you won't get RickRoll'd. 

• Dinosaurs: extinct from either a meteor or the inability to reach their face with those tiny little arms is still extinct.  But here is a little article about how it might have happened.
• Did you ever wonder what happened to the idea of lots of celebrities getting together to sing for a cause?  Well, apparently, it was a symptom of the 80s. 
• Do you want to call BS on a political figure but don't feel like doing the legwork?  Check out Politifact!
• If this doesn't keep people from using an auto-tuner, nothing will.

Torture Reform

According to a recent Associated Press report, the Justice Department investigation into the lawyers who sanctioned so-called "enhanced interrogation" techniques is only recommending disciplinary action by their local Bar Associations.  Not only did John Yoo and Jay Bybee create memos allowing for torture to occur, but they apparently have never seen Judgment at Nuremberg.  According to the Third Geneva Convention, "no physical or mental torture, nor any other form of coercion" can happen to any prisioner. 

Arguments have been focused on the first part of this clause stating "no physical or mental torture," but the second bans any other form of coercion.  People are arguing about if it was torture.  The real test is whether or not it is coercion which would have a lesser threshold.  Waterboarding certainly fits the criteria for coercion; "the use of force or intimidation to obtain compliance."  These lawyers who wrote the memos outlining how these techniques should at least face disbarment and if Attorney General Eric Holder decides, criminal charges.  Authorizing torture is a crime and just "following orders" is not an excuse.

Video on the Iraq Insurgency

This is a pretty interesting look at the Iraq War and what has happened.  We recommend taking a quick look at this.

Check out more TED Talks on a huge range of topics!

Crap, Arnold Has to Be Behind This

Is this the first step towards a self aware computer system?  Curious that there is a new Terminator movie coming out soon.  Coincidence?  We think not. There are a multitude of goals for this system:

1. Use technology to deter or defeat enemies.
2. Secure our cybernetic systems.
   
3. Improve the Pentagon's cyber training capability.
4. Kill John Connor.

We are just waiting for Ah-nold to comment on this story and calm our fears...

Swine Flu: One Hit Wonder

Well, two weeks into the swine flu bonanza, only 1000 confirmed cases have been discovered and in Mexico, the threat level is being lowered and things are opening back up.  After a great start out of the gate, this one faded in the finish.  While some people might compare the swine flu to Vanilla Ice, we here at Puggling do not share this view.  Swine Flu is more like Europe's "Final Countdown."  Vanilla Ice is still culturally relevant and has been remembered for nearly two decades.  While "Final Countdown" has only been put back into public view by being a cheesy background for GOB in Arrested Development.  "Ice Ice Baby" is still played at wedding receptions and we (conservatively) estimate that 34% of Americans can rap along side the song.  It can still get a party going.  It places easily in the top five:

1. Bon Jovi: Livin' On a Prayer
2. Vanilla Ice: Ice Ice Baby
   
3. Sir Mix-A-Lot: Baby Got Back
4. Journey:  Don't Stop Believing
   
5. AC/DC: You Shook Me All Night Long

Swine Flu is a cheeseball 80's hair band song.

Thoughts on Iran and Falafel

Recently, we here at Puggling were wondering: just what all is involved with an improved relationship with Iran?  First, our thoughts went to better falafel in the U.S.  But other than that, what is to be gained?  Well, Iran is smack dab in the middle of both Iraq and Afghanistan.  Perfectly situated to help the stability of both countries. 

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For Iraq, the militias which have been causing trouble are funded and supplied by Iran.  According to The Economist, after the Iraqi army with help from British forces "many of the militia leaders fled to Iran, which had been supplying them with weapons, especially Katyusha rockets."  Iran and Iraq do not like each other.  Period.  They fought a nasty war in the 80's and they differ religiously as well.  Iran is not necessarily helping the militias to thwart U.S. interests, but that is a nice bonus.  If Iran withdraws its support of these militias, stability after the U.S. leaves is a greater probability.  In Basra alone:

According to a Western police adviser, some 900 of the murders that took place in 2006, in a city of 1.7m people, remain unsolved to this day. The murder rate that year was some 40 times higher than Britain’s. In 2007 the figure was probably worse. Some say half of Basra’s 20,000-strong police force had been infiltrated by the militias. Many kidnappings and murders were committed by people in police uniforms. A sheikh of the al-Abadi tribe says the militias killed about 10,000 Basrawis during their two years’ reign.  (The Economist)

 These militias are big perpetrators of the crimes that are causing instability and Iran can sweep their legs out from under them.

With respect to Afghanistan, Iran can help provide access to the regions where there are limited roads.  It is an issue when aid and supplies cannot get to their destinations.  Also, Iran undoubtably has some experience in dealing with the Taliban and the tribal regions which border it.  The fractured and tribal nature of Afghanistan hinders development and the creation of a national government.  Our hopes though remain on falafel...